How many people ever have a really happy Valentine's Day anyway? I mean when does anyone ever live up to the false expectations (or obligations) foisted upon us by this fictional day of love?
Today, my sadly on-and off-again boyfriend, ambushed me prior to 7:00 am to deliver small gifts and cards to me and my lovely daughter. Awww, "How sweet!" you say. Wrong. I don't like chocolates, especially of the See's variety and he knows that, or he should after almost two years. I lay them on the bed and wonder why he chose this moment where I am half dressed, with wet, matted hair and no make-up to stop on by; knowing full well that there were only moments before I had to be ready to go off to work. He mentions how I am an amazing woman in many ways, a really good person...(Waiting for the huge, But...?) a person he wanted to be sure didn't have to go through Valentine's day without getting a card. I know that because that is the heartfelt emotion handwritten inside the aforementioned card, just before "Love you Much!"
I'm sorry, but for me that was a sidewinder's attempt to check off a box if I ever saw one. It was the icing on the cake of painfully long rejection.
Last night I went to the pet store to get food for my bird. Next door to that shop is a florist. I witnessed three very different types of men carrying large bouquets of flowers out to their cars and trucks and wished I were one of the women for whom such efforts were being made. Florists inside were scurrying to fill the orders for all the people who either truly care, know one sure way to warm a woman's heart on Valentine's day, or, somewhere deep inside, know that if they want any sex for the rest of the year they had better ante up on Valentine's day.
All that is the story about my own personal drama, but In the end what we humans really want is to feel loved, accepted, respected, treasured, and adored. Of course that means different things to different people. When we pay attention, we can learn how someone receives love and what things make them feel special. We should not need a designated day or prescribed way to show our love. Gifts of true love should come from the heart, on any day, for any reason, or no reason.
I know my quasi-boyfriend loves me in his own way, to the degree he is able. We all have limits to our expression, most of which are imagined, but real for us none-the-less. I'm going to just have to have faith that I am always just where I should be and take the lessons that come my way.
But, for the record, can I just say that realizing you have to let someone go on Valentine's Day is something that really shouldn't happen to anyone.
I wish you love and peace on this and all days. Fill your own heart with joy this Valentine's day, regardless of your circumstances. I will try to take my own advice and do the same.
And there you have it!
