In my last post I was fired up and seriously considering calling time on the game of love. I was umbrageous at some of the actions and attitudes coming from someone I was set to marry in just a couple months. Incensed, indignant, outraged, unhappy, warped and wounded. All this brought on by realizing that what was so natural and remarkable in the beginning (holding hands, laughing, sharing, dreaming, planning, cuddling, laughing, cooperating) had nearly vanished, replaced by selfishness, sadness and growing resentment.
After my internet rampage (to noone) I sat with it for a while, then decided to express ALL of my concerns to the only one who could do anything about them - other than myself. He listened as I recounted the things that led me to this dark and shady place. (Funny how the word umbrageous covers both bases, shady and hurt!) I told him it was really hard for me to consider us part of the same team, much less feel hopeful about our chances of making it to playoffs. I told him I'd pretty much lost faith in our once shared dream of living the best and last love of our lives together because it seemed he'd checked out on his responsibility to make up half of our team. I cried - a lot. He said he did not want to check out and would have to make some changes because he had never meant to hurt me, but realized he had.The great news is that his attitudes and actions of late have reminded me of the reasons I was originally so hopeful for my chances of finally winning in the game of love with this man! I hope that all we discussed will remain in the forefront of both our hearts and minds, and guide our thoughts and actions moving forward.
And there you have it.
